I owned two dogs. That is what most same-sex couples have instead of children. When my partner suggested having real human babies of our own, I was floored! I thought how crazy is that? A myriad of ideas raced through my mind, including who, what, where, when, and how would we do this procedure. Is this possible? Socially acceptable? Ethically correct? Any legal barriers? We couldn’t even get married in New York or Hong Kong at the time in 2002, and imagine having children?!
One of the most iconic Hong Kong Cantopop singers is Anita Mui. She developed cervical cancer at the age of 40 and died of her complications. Her elder sister Ann Mui also died of cervical cancer a few years earlier. Anita Mui once pointed out that women should all learn to appreciate what we HAVE before time makes us appreciate what we LOST. Basically, if you have healthy working female organs, use them!
Anita Mui turned down surgery to remove her cancerous organ, her cervix. She felt that by removing this organ, she was no longer a whole woman. She always dreamed of having babies, getting married, and being a parent. Because of Anita Mui, I wanted to have a baby and experience motherhood using my giving organs.
Since my partner’s family history included numerous miscarriages, I took it upon myself to undergo intrauterine insemination (IUI) where a donor’s sperm is placed directly into the uterus. We endured eight failed rounds of IUI. Then we switched to in vitro fertilization (IVF) where embryos are formed in a test tube instead of a woman's fallopian tube. I successfully got pregnant with two heartbeats (twins)! Because the two babies were conceived separately, we had fraternal twins. A daughter soon followed. I gave birth to 3 children.
Surprisingly, we received plenty of support from our workplace, friends, and close family friends while living with children in Hong Kong. At the same time, we encountered a profusion of attention from the local media and frequently asked for interviews. People everywhere in Asia blatantly questioned us about the father of our children. The idea of homosexual marriage is still not widely accepted in Asia-Pacific countries.
We don’t know many other same-sex parents, this could be a cultural issue. Asians don’t come out. And also have children. The first same-sex parent we met turned out to be my maternity doctor. He is a Canadian. He kept asking all these personal questions unrelated to my pregnancy and giving unsolicited advice about adoption and what protections we needed in place. We found it really odd. He was so nosy!! Then he told us he was gay and also trying to have a child with his husband.
We are very fortunate to work for a company, JP Morgan Chase, that offers phenomenal support to the LGBTQ+ community. JP Morgan Chase established the first LGBTQ+ Affairs Business Office three years ago. It sent over 250 employees, including 65 senior executives, to the Out & Equal Workplace Summit to drive equality globally and make an impact on business communities.
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